My life has been a journey full of twists & turns, highs & lows. Honestly, I'm not sure I could really define where I'm headed. But one thing I'm learning, the journey isn't all about the final destination but more about how we travel. And fulfillment is found in all that we learn & experience as we journey, not just getting to the end of it. I can't even imagine making mine without Christ before me, behind me, and beside me...

Friday, April 19, 2013

BE STILL...

  

    "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered. "You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her." 
- Luke 10:41-42 -

    Silence...Why do I run from it? It's hard, you know, to remember when you made noise your friend...When you began to make sure your physical life or mind is always so busy, you can't think. I mean REALLY think about the things that matter down deep--the things that remind you you're not as independent as you think you are.
     For a while now, I've known that I've made my "world" such that I don't have room to think--to breathe--knowing that I'm hiding in the self-constructed/organized or at least "allowed" chaos. In ministry, there's always someone else who needs to be loved. In family, there's always someone who needs mom--or G-Mom. In work, there's always one more thing that needs to be done--even if it's not so important to anyone but me. (Not that any of that is a bad thing. I cherish my kids and--oh!--my precious little Alice! I am so blessed in the way that God allows me to see Him work in the lives of others and to be part of it through ministry. And I LOVE my work--so much so that it feels strange just to call it a job. But it's easy to let the "good" become a crutch, even when He keeps reminding me as He did Martha, "Only one thing is needed..." 
     When He whispers my name, He wants me--ALL of me--to sit at His feet and be still. But to be still is to be vulnerable, I think. So even when there's not a pressing need, I find myself filling the silence with noise--any noise or activity that keeps me from looking too deep within. It's so much easier to make sure there's no room left in the brain to think isn't it? To turn on the chatter and noise instead of resting in the uncomfortable silence? It's so much easier to become so completely and intentionally absorbed in mindless sit-coms or dramas, the tragedy of current events, social chatter, or our endless to-do lists and worries lest we become undone in the silence that would remain in its absence of noise. So I'm here in this place (in Nebraska, of all places!) trying to be brave. Purposefully trying to shut out the noise and give myself space to think. Even so, it's still so hard. So hard to turn off the noise--the phone, the TV and social media, and all the worries of world and home just to be still and quiet. To breathe. Why is it so hard to let HIM be my center for a while so that I can inhale His presence and let Him work IN me, not just through me. 
     Why is that so frightening, I wonder? I wonder if Martha was afraid too when Jesus reminded her so patiently... I want to be obedient. I want to give Him that "one thing." Jesus, Lover of my soul--in the dark and in the light--help me be okay with sitting for awhile. Help me to be quiet and to listen... To be with You and let the stillness invade my senses so there's room to think, to breathe, and even to write again. Lord, it's been awhile... 


God is our refuge and strength... Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. Though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging...
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day...
The Lord almight is with us... He says "BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. I WILL BE EXALTED..."  -  Psalm 46