IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY...

    
 It wasn't supposed to be this way...Almost 30 years ago on Valentines Day, we said, "I do" as two became one. We thought we would be together forever. You had dreams of "Bennett Kingdom"--you the king and me your queen... Life and circumstance and years later, here I am today. You aren't. It wasn't supposed to be this way. 
     Nine months and two days later after that first Valentine's Day, we weren't just lovers, we were parents. Too soon but yet not soon enough...Only you would understand that. I remember your giggle so very well when our first was born. You wanted a boy so much but when the doctor said, "It's a girl" you giggled like a kid and couldn't stop. You wouldn't change a thing. She had you at "hello" and you were wrapped around her tiny little finger for life. A brand new dimension was added to your life...DAD. 
     One more year and you had your first son. You were so proud--you strutted like a peacock. As I lay in recovery, we chose his name. (I was so desperately trying to keep you from naming him after that dirty old movie cowboy!) And you liked the sound of it: Michael Paul. "It's a strong name for a Bennett son," you said, and you especially liked having your own "Mikey."
     A little over three years later, our first redhead! What a surprise! Phillip Andrew--another fine name for a Bennett boy. But they had to stick him with all too many needles. You couldn't even be in the same room...We were getting the hang of this parent-thing though...
     Then on Father's Day, we got that ominous phone call. Your dad was in the hospital. A seizure...a shadow...brain tumor...cancer.  It wasn't supposed to be this way.
     Life changed for us in so many ways--this caring for a parent. We grew up. Over a year later, John Elias came along. Remember, Jessica P. was there with you and you were so excited that you got to be the one to measure him...and she got to hold him. When she got in trouble from her Dr. Dad, you said you told her it was ok. 
      Another 18 months and cancer took your dad from us as death became reality. You faced then the same responsibilities that our oldest son now faces...It wasn't supposed to be this way. He is so young--you were too back then I guess. I was pregnant yet again and sang that day during contractions--acapella no less! That next day after Arnett's service was our first family brunch--a time when we just concentrated on being a family and enjoying each other. Contractions stopped for a few hours. It was a precious quiet day frozen in time...until I went in labor with Zachary. But he was our healing wings, I think--our recognition that life goes on and your dad lived on in you and even in our children. 
     We thought our family was finished but one by one, a parade of kids came into our home and into our lives over the years--our "adopted" kids...Marian, Stephanie, Blake, Shane, Liana, Sara, Jake, Dusty S., Dayna, Josh, Jonathan, Aaron, Jacob and little Brittany M...You had a way of making each and every one family over the years..."Once a Bennett, always a Bennett," you have said so many times. I can't even count these "adopted" on both my hands now.
    Life happened...Children became teenagers and then adults...Over the years we faced circumstances we never imagined and somewhere along the way we quit trying with each other. Words were said that couldn't be taken back and acts were done that couldn't be undone over the years. Anger, resentment, fatal wounds and unforgiveness. We were both dying inside. I sometimes wonder if it would have been different if I had dealt with my depression before we gave up...What I could have or should have done before we went separate ways.  But instead, life got so serious and the one became two again...It wasn't supposed to be this way.
     But though we were no longer husband and wife, we vowed we would always be mom and dad. We never wanted our kids to have to choose between us like so many others. We didn't do it perfectly but we were getting it. I've been told we were better apart than we ever were together. But it wasn't supposed to be THIS way. Only the dad could truly know and understand those heart-stopping moments the mom endures--a mix of love, pride, and fear--as children became grown-up or go through the vicissitudes of life...As our oldest son became a man, a Marine, and a husband all at once. When we sent the next off to college and independence. And worried over his wrecks. When we watched our daughter make her own decisions--California and back again. You stood ground when other men stole her joy... Only you could understand that hurt in my heart and the joy as the next two boys became men and Marines--the hurt of letting go and the joy in knowing that they were genuinely GOOD men. And only you could understand the hurt in my mom-heart when we heard a bomb exploded and Mikey was injured. Only you could know the joy and relief as each son has come home in their own turn from Iraq and now Afghanistan. Only you know these things because you went through every struggle and every pain of parenthood and their growing up with me. You understood what I, the Mom, can't put into words. 
    We did a pretty good job with our kids, I think, in spite of it all. In the last week, I've seen each one rise in his or her own strengths as circumstance required and I've seen them pull together as family--one unit. Phillip, you and I--we've had some really hard times but we've had some of the best times ever in the last few years with our kids. I never thought I would have to be mom alone. It wasn't supposed to be this way. 
     Today is the day we have to say goodbye to you. Today is the last time I sing for you...How many hours have we spent in years past with me at the piano as you listened? How many times did I make you choose my "special" when I couldn't decide? I'm not ready for today. I'm not ready to say good-bye like this. It wasn't supposed to be this way...
     But I know God is faithful to watch over our children and to watch over me--to be the big God of the universe that you so loved. I keep remembering those rare but precious times when we talked about faith and scripture. You got excited sometimes thinking about those word pictures. You loved the thought of the resurrection--the grave bursting open as death gave way to victory. You loved the idea of angel choirs singing--God's holy surround sound, "Worthy is the Lamb!" You loved the thought that no matter how weak we are here, we would one day rise on eagle's wings as He becomes our forever strength...And all that we couldn't understand here will be made known and faith will truly become sight. But it wasn't supposed to be this way...This isn't how I imagined it. You aren't here and we have to find a way to go on. But I know that one day we will also rise on eagle's wings....So no goodbye for now...Just "So long...until we meet again."

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - 
Isaiah 40:28-31

ONE FOR THE JOURNEY

     Chad asked the staff this week if we were travel agents or tour guides. I pondered that for a while and let the question soak in my heart. How do I reach out to minister to the women in HOPE? How do I show them a better way of living? How do I teach His words? How do I inspire this hope that only Christ can give?

    A few years ago, I would never have believed that I would be in a church like Mission Abilene or leading a ministry like H.O.P.E. And never EVER would it have occurred to me that I would someday be "in" women's ministry of any kind! I was far more prone to remain on "safer" ground where I could keep people--namely women--at arm's length. Or maybe more like on the other side of a whole chasm! Like children's ministry or music ministry (the safe kind--playing the piano and singing "specials."  You know what I mean? I kept myself together by maintaining my own personal boundaries--my chasm--and putting on a confident front so that no one got near enough to see the fragile cracks in my armor. 

    But then, life took a turn for the worse and my world caved in...or so it seemed. In reality, my life took a turn for better--though I didn't know it yet--and I couldn't pretend to have it all together anymore. Life became an earthquake and the broken rubble filled my chasm and threatened to bury me. Then a couple of Christ-led people walked across my self-imposed chasm and reached out in His love to save me. I had no other choice than to take another's hand and another's hope just to survive. 

     Suddenly, as I climbed out of the rubble,I didn't climb alone. Whether I asked or not I suddenly had these persistent die-hard people who were there beside me, who pulled me up on solid ground, who held me up when i stumbled,and who picked me up when I fell down time and again. And a whole new journey began for me...

     I used to be a travel guide....I pointed the way and laid out all the colorful brochures and portrayed all the bright and glorious possibilities that were there for the taking. I don't believe God wasted my efforts. (He is good at working all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose--Romans 8:28) But I taught from what I knew in my head--what I had memorized or seen in all the good "books"--rather than what was in my heart. I sent others on wonderful journeys that I had I never traveled myself. I remained where it was safe and comfortable and known...or so I thought until it almost became the death of me. I hadn't seen all bright and beautiful possibilities with my own eyes or experienced the joy and blessing in my own journeys. 

     But now--post "earthquake"--I realize that I am one for the journey...Because of those precious people who spanned my chasm and reached out their hands to save me, I began to live life and to experience Jesus' words and way of life. I began to take what was in my head and put it into my heart. I can't help but think of Paul's words to Timothy (the words of one of those old hymns I always loved to sing) "I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day..." Today, I know that I am a tour guide. Just as those God-sent people shared their journey with me and passed the baton, I can now share my journey with others through my testimony--my travels...Just as Lois, Eunice, Paul, and even Timothy did...

 I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded now lives in you also.  For this reason, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me His prisoner. Rather, join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God. He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. And of this gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day. - 2 Timothy 1:3-12

     Today, I share with others the gifts and blessings Christ has so generously given to me. I teach and minister from the experience and overflow of my own heart. It's ironic--that ministry for me now is not just a calling or an obligation or something I need to do to earn God's grace. Ministry is not so uncertain or wearying because I've been before where these women are...Or, if it's new ground, we travel together, spurring each other on in the journey of faith. 
      Sharing this hope that I know so well now is my passion and part of who I am. And today, I can't imagine ministry any other way. To be sure, there are mishaps along my journey sometimes. My testimony is far from perfect or unflawed but those flaws and imperfections are where God shines the brightest, lighting the way for others. Jesus said, The good man brings good things out od the good stored up in his heart...for out of the overflow of his heart, his mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45 NIV)  He has put such good things in my heart now--not just in my head. So today, I'm thankful for every crack where His light shines through my armor and for every mile I've traveled. Christ has taken me on a trip I could never have imagined or hoped for on my own. And my greatest hope is that each one God puts in my path takes this baton--God's gift of hope--and travels even farther than I could ever go. I now fully understand Paul's encouragement...

For this reason, I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God which is in you.... For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.  - 2 Timothy 1:6-7

MAKING THE MOST

    Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. - Ephesians 5:15-16

     How easily it slips away from us...When I think about "time," I always flash back to that certain hour of the day when I was a kid. Every day at noon, I anxiously waited for cartoons but right as they came on, Mom would change the channel. (Drats! No Looney Toons for me!)...Then, "La da da" (music playing) and a distinct voice, "Like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives..."  Mom's next few hours were dedicated to Days of Our Lives, As the World Turns, and Another World....Soap operas. Some would say her afternoons were wasted (even she would these days) but maybe Mom made the most of her afternoons. She was entertained (there wasn't many alternatives in programming in those days), the laundry was done, and she crocheted trunks full of doilies, bedspreads, baby blankets, and afghans for our own home and for gifts. 

     So maybe time used wisely or otherwise is a matter of perspective...maybe. But there's one sure thing I know--it passes all too quickly. And wasted moments are moments that we can't get back. So those words of Ephesians carry far more weight when seen in the light of eternity. In years past, I could have been the poster girl for wasted time--for time spent unwisely... But God gives so much grace and in spite of my inadequacies, He still made the most of of every opportunity to turn my heart to Him every time I wanted to give up. For the past few years, I couldn't really show the world bushels of fruit for all my own futile efforts but He took my shards of broken glass and made a mosaic masterpiece. He put me together again.

     So now is my time to make the most of every opportunity. I've begun this year with hopes, dreams, and plans galore. I'm so blessed and excited that the moments I have now are moments I want to dedicate to His purposes...to give back AND pay forward all that He has done for me...to re-establish or rebuild what was lost or wasted in past years...So I begin this year with a busy hectic schedule--that's nothing new. I've spent most of my life being "busy" with nothing to show for it. Too much time and too many memories are forgotten, lost in the chaos. So in all that God has before me now, I must choose each and every moment and make the most of it. I can't undo or regain the past but I made the commitment to begin now--to be careful how I live, to make wise choices with my time. And I'm learning that those wise choices begin with slowing down and taking stock instead of speeding up and becoming a cyclone of furious activity. My focus must be to finish well one task rather than leaving 10 hopelessly unfinished tasks behind.

    In the past few weeks, it almost seems my life has begun new. A new perspective, a new home, a renewed mindset, a renewed mom-set, and a renewed ministry. AA programs often quote insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." So I think this year has to begin a little more sane and I've been making determined choices to make it so by doing some things differently. I'm in a new house but I can't make it a home until I'm know I'm done with the old one. Leaving that old house well is important to me at this point. This is the most positive and blessed move I've made, so I want it to be done in the right way. As anxious as I am to make this new house a home--to organize, paint, and decorate--I had to commit to leave the old one better than I found it. That may not seem a big deal to many but for me, it's important this time to leave a trail of blessing and good partings--footprints I don't mind being followed. And with the help of my precious son Andy, that has been accomplished. Needless to say, some things at my new house have been left undone thus far but that is what's ahead of me. I needed to stick to this one task and finish it well so I could look forward without looking back. It may seem strange to others but it's about so much more than simply changing houses. It's the beginning of a lifestyle. So yesterday (on schedule), I was able to shut the door of my old house one last time without regret or shame. It's a new feeling for me. I've closed far too many doors with regret. 

     Today, I'm looking forward to colors and paint, curtains and hard work, and the joy of seeing work done with my own hands and my own creativity as this house becomes my home--my sanctuary. But with all that work comes so much more... I look forward to family and friends, fellowship and fond memories, and a peace and contentment I've never known. There's a whirlwind of life ahead of me but I'm taking it day by day--pausing to make memories and enjoy the time God has given me. And each day, my time-wise choices begin with a few moments in worship and awe of a God who makes me brand new each day, and moments to rest and reflect on all that has been accomplished as I look forward to all that is yet to do. 

     What I have to remember is that I can hope for tomorrow but I must LIVE today. In another time and era, I sang a song for my mom one Mother's Day and I still hold its message close to my heart. So as I learn to live wisely, I pray these words always come to mind...

Hold tight to the sound of the music of living, 

Happy songs from the laughter of children at play; 

Hold my hand as we run
Through the sweet fragrant meadows, 

Making mem'ries of what was today.

We have this moment to hold in our hands and to touch

As it slips through our fingers like sand.

Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come 

But we have this moment today.

     

     

     

MY "TOP TEN"

     2011 dawns with so much to hope for and so much to look forward to...so much to accomplish. And as for that, the list seems endless as the ADD mentality kicks in. But just as I encourage my women to set definable, reachable goals, I should do the same in my own personal life. We were asked, "What are 10 things you want to accomplish in your personal life this year?" So here is my "Top Ten" so to speak but as God works, they are in no particular order. I believe God works things all together--all in rhythm and motion like cogs in a clock...
     I want to...

1. To be more vulnerable. I love to reach out to others--to let God use me to make a difference to others who are broken...I don't have any trouble getting involved in the lives of so many others but I don't tend to let in my own life. I don't like to be vulnerable--to let others see me broken or to risk being hurt. I'm ready to let others into some of those deepest parts of my heart, I think.
2. To make my house a home--a place where my kids can truly come home to and a place where my friends are welcome. For a very long time, my "dwelling place" has been just that...a place to hide and shut out the world. And suddenly this year, I find myself wanting...needing a home filled with love, laughter, grace, and--of course--hope.
3. To finish "the books"--writing projects I began with Chad...Not just to publish books but because of all that God accomplishes in me in the process of it. It's time to break some new ground and I've been resistant.
4. To begin my own book...One that uses some of my own story to reach others...To share grace and offer hope.
5. To simplify and declutter my life. Not just my possessions, but my time, my plans, and --most of all--my heart so that I can focus on what God really has for me rather that getting hopelessly tangled in the demands of the world.
6. To become healthier and more fit...both physically and spiritually.  
7. To draw closer and closer to Jesus, Lover of my Soul--so that those lost or desperate moments are fewer. To know Him and to be known by Him so that His voice and His purpose are clear. To trust Him so much that I don't even hesitate to follow where He leads. 
8. To build some new bridges and avenues of relationship with my children and to open doors that have been close far too long. To share more openly with them so they know me better as a person, not just mom--and so I know them better as adults, not just my kids. To help them understand some of the past and how it has shaped them as well so that they can overcome that which has damaged and build on that which has made them strong.
9. To build a ministry that reaches out more to the women of the street--prostitutes, the and the homeless. To actively see them as Christ sees and to love them as He loves so they can see they are beautiful in the eyes of grace.
10. To enjoy and cherish life more...To take the time to laugh and to love with friends and family. To take time for me just to rest and rejuvenate and recenter when life gets too chaotic and overwhelming.  

LOOKING FORWARD

"Show me Your ways, Lord; teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long. Remember, Lord, Your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to Your love remember me for You, Lord, are good..."  -  Psalm 25:4-7

 It's hard to believe another year has begun...and time to look forward to all that God has ahead for me in both my personal life and in ministry. As I think about so many of my past "new years"," it seems that I've often looked backward with regret and "I wish I would have's" and forward with dread and "I can'ts"...But this year has begun differently. I "rang" in this New Year'a midnight hour quietly at my new home--honestly speechless with utter amazement and awe as I realized how far God has brought me and my ministry this past year. And 2011 sauntered in with new hope, new joy, new grace, and new purpose. I wait with anticipation as God lays the path before me. 
     My daughter Brittany joined me in ministry in the last few months in H.O.P.E. through Art Stars."God placed a desire in her heart to reach out to kids through art...and she has done just that with the H.O.P.E. kids. Babysitting has moved aside to make way for creative expression and healing through paint and canvas. As I've watched God use her to open the hearts and creative minds of these children through Art Stars, I've seen a new hope and new purpose become instilled in my daughter's own heart. And I have been invigorated with new hope and new purpose as well. 
     My heart has overflowed as I've witnessed Brittany take hold of my mantra of HOPE in her own center of impact. Chad and Ashley gave me a framed scripture for my new house with HOPE emblazoned across the top. "Blessed are those...whose hope is in the Lord their God."  (Psalm 146:5)  Chad said that I should get used to it--items with HOPE on it--It's what I'm all about...He was being lightly sarcastic but, you know, I can really embrace that. I have turned a proverbial corner in my life and even my ministry. It's not about just surviving anymore...It's all about HOPE--not just a cutesy name for a group but about the real HOPE. So as I look toward what this year holds, I also look back at the beginning of H.O.P.E and it's grassroots in ministry. When God first put this vision on my heart, He showed me that all my striving was in vain if I never grasped the truth and took hold of what was inside of me...Colossians 1:27 - "To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is CHRIST IN YOU, THE HOPE OF GLORY." And as He shaped that truth within me, He planted the grassroots of a ministry to women who had been broken, abused, and devastated by life's circumstances...


"H" - Healing our brokenness as we share together and encourage each other. 

•  Psalm 103 - "Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion...." 

"O" - Opening our hearts as we let God's grace work within us.

• Lamentations 3:19-42 - "...Yet this I call to mind 
  and therefore I have hope: 
  Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,  
  for His compassions never fail. 
  They are new every morning; 
  great is Your faithfulness. 
  I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; 
  therefore I will wait for Him...' ”

"P" - Pressing on through our circumstances with Christ alone as our Strength.

• 2 Corinthians 4:6-10 - "For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed..." 

"E" - Envisioning a future here in this life and throughout eternity.

• Romans 5:1-11 - "...And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.  Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us..."

So what does that look like for 2011? How can I cast that same vision of hope to the women God places before me in ministry this year? What can I do this year that I haven't done before? 
     First of all, I can live my healing before others. I begin this year with a new attitude. For the first time in many years, I can honestly say, "I AM OK. I AM HAPPY, BLESSED, AND FULL OF HOPE!" No, I'm not perfect by any means--my healing is ongoing..Each one of us is a work in progress, but instead of focusing on the negative and criticizing our mistakes and imperfections, we can remember that healing is a process and look at ourselves positively...God isn't finished yet--we are being made holy. He loves us because He created us and He looks on all that He has made and He sees that it is good.
     I want to empower women, not enable them. That happens by centering our study and activities on living life with purpose...Even as we take a hard look inward at our lives for the sake of healing, we should also focus outward. As we gain hope, we will also give hope through outreach and service projects. Just as we need to be loved and accepted, we can find ways to love the unlovable and accept those who are lost, lonely, or downcast--HOPE projects directed toward those in the hospital, deployed military, Afghani children, and here among us--special projects in reaching out to battered women, prostitutes, and homeless women.
     I want to see women to be more deliberate about setting and defining firm boundaries and realistic goals...to provide more measurable accountability for pro-active steps. That happens by rippling some stagnant waters, and boldly speaking truth in love. Sometimes women need hugs and compassion, but sometimes they need a gentle nudge. And sometimes boundaries must be set for those who choose to refuse to budge or move forward. I am most thankful for those in leadership who did not allow me to wallow in self-pity.
     Strength-training is a must. I've watched women over the past year make excuse after excuse for staying where they are...remaining in fear, in addictions, even in laziness and then falling back again and again in their same despair in times of crisis. They look to me and to counselors for an encouraging words, for help and hope but they don't put truth into practice in their everyday lives. They hang on to words and adages for dear life just to get through from day to day but soon lose strength because they don't take truth out of the package and put it to work in life. We need to focus more on practical coping skills in all kinds of circumstances...Thinking and planning ahead so that we overcome and gain victory over our circumstances rather than just surviving the crisis of a moment. 
     I want to see women take honest inventory of where they've been and where they are headed. I want determine the turning points in their lives--those defining cairos moments that made them or broke them. Making "creative inventory" a regular part of our curriculum and exercises so that they can take charge of their lives rather than letting life take charge of them. We persevere, we strive, we overcome...we find purpose because of Christ IN us--He is our HOPE. 
     It's hard to put HOPE in words just so--to define the process. I can only measure and teach by what I've learned and lived myself. I remember the other side of this mountain...a few years ago when I was hopeless. I remember the many times when I wanted so desperately to give up on life...but God always put someone or some Word in my path to give hope. He truly is faithful. It's been an uphill struggle and I slipped back down that hill many times...But now I'm rounding the top... I can look behind and see how far I've come and then turn and look at what lies before me now...And what a sight to behold! I want these women to see what I see now. 
     

"You make known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand." - Psalm 16:11

ONE THING

   "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." - Philippians 4:12-13

 This week Chad asked the staff if there was one thing in the whole world we could change, what would it be? I could think of numerous things that I would like to see changed...World peace, elimination of child abuse and domestic violence, no more poverty...all kinds of worthwhile things. But, realistically, we can wish and we can work on change but somehow it all seems futile because it never stops. We are still left wanting more...seeing more that needs to be changed. Renovating the world is like renovating our houses. We get new carpet and we realize how dingy the walls are. So we paint the walls and we realize we need to paint the trim too...which then casts light on the saggy old couch or the battered old coffeetable. So we get a new couch and/or coffee table...and the list goes on. We can't stop with "one thing." To me, there's not a real or effective answer to that question outside of myself because nothing really changes...not permanently anyway. Seasons go round and round. They go away and come back again as sure as the sun rises and sets. Seasons of war, seasons of peace. Seasons of sorrow, seasons of joy. Seasons of pain, seasons of healing. Seasons of hatred, seasons of love. Seasons of despair, seasons of hope.  That's the circle we call life.
     Quite a few years ago, there was a book that really impacted me and the title statement still invades my thoughts and being every so often. And I realize that if there was one thing I could change, this would be it...It's the only thing that I CAN do. I don't have the strength or the influence to change the world or even to change my circumstances, but there is one thing I can change and it begins with a simple prayer: "Lord, change me." If there is one thing in the whole world I can change, I'm it. Lord, change me...Change my mind, change my unforgiving and sinful heart, change my graceless attitude, change my stubborn will...For this moment, don't change my family or my friends and enemies or my circumstances-- CHANGE ME! 
    To borrow Tom's words, I'm not the president of all those other things--world peace or war, or child abuse, domestic violence, sickness, or poverty, or any malady that plagues our world. The truth is I'm not the president of anything at all. On my own, I can't change the world or even my own little corner of it. All too often, I can't even change my own circumstances. In reality, I can't change anything at all...BUT GOD CAN! And it begins with me. In asking God to change me, I can change the world...

"Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me,

 and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones You have crushed rejoice.  Hide Your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." - Psalm 51:7-12

LORD, CHANGE ME... 

"THEN I will teach transgressors Your ways, so that sinners will turn back to You...Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare Your praise...My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart  You, God, will not despise.: - Psalm 51: 13, 15, 17

1000 GIFTS: A SEASON OF THANKS

I made a commitment a long time ago to discover and intentionally list the multitudes of God's blessings. Obviously, I let "stuff" get in the way. This week,however, I have some worries and concerns heavy on my heart and it would be easy to get so caught up in fear that I forget God's goodness...So maybe this is the perfect time to turn my focus on Him rather than getting caught up in worry and anxiety. Besides, this week blessings have been evident. There are so many good things to be thankful for...So to continue my list...


81.  Slain dragons.
82.  Anticipating answers to prayer.
83. Spending thanksgiving with a very special family. Good meal, good fellowship and AWESOME friends.
85. A place for all my HOPE chics to nest for Thanksgiving.
86. Unexpected letters from England--another mother's blessing.
87. British chocolate!!!
88. Our book in Portuguese...God at work in Brazil.
89. Anticipating Andy's graduation! So happy for him!
90. HOPE fun and fellowship.
91. Decorating Christmas trees.
92. Christmas lights.
93. ART STAR's paintings.
94. Seeing Brittany find her niche in teaching art and creativity with those kids.
95. Bones that rattle and bruise but don't break!
96. Spike and Zoe--they make me smile!
97. Cooking with Andy.
98. White chocolate coffee!
99. Dreams that don't come true...
100. Sudafed--the original kind.
101. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE these bright autumn colors!
102. Windless days.
103. Psalm 91.
104. Faith. I can't imagine how people get thru life without it.
105. Birthdays...Seems like my kids' birthdays get more precious every year.
106. Friends that pray faithfully.
107. Power tools!  My scroll saw, belt sander, and drill press and a little paint and wood open up a whole new world sometimes...
108. Warm places.
109. Jesus loves me no matter what.
110. Strangers in the laundromat who become friends during the dry cycle. It's amazing how people open up over a load of laundry!
111. Words that give life.


Speaking of words....What better way to focus on the positive than to find it in His Word!...
112. REST - "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty." - Psalm 91:1
113. BATTLE - "All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s..." - 1 Samuel 17:47 (I'm holding tight to this one...whether it be battles in Afghanistan or battles of the mind--they are all HIS.)
114. UNFAILING - "Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone." - Psalm 33:22  (What a gift that we can trust that His love never fails!)
115. HOPE - "He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children, so the next generation might know them—even the children not yet born—and they in turn will teach their own children. So each generation should set its hope anew on God, not forgetting his glorious miracles and obeying his commands." - Psalm 78:5-7 (I love how hope goes on and on from generation to generation. All else of this world may fail, but He always gives us hope.)